Have a Giggle

A man walks into his doctor’s surgery. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear. “What’s the matter with me?” the man asks the doctor. “Well,” the doctor replies, “ it’s quite clear you’re not eating properly.”

Doctor Jokes

Patient: “Doctor, doctor! I think I’m turning invisible!”

Doctor: I’m sorry I can’t see you now.

(On the telephone)

Young man: “Doctor I need your help! My wife is pregnant at home and her contractions are only two minutes apart!”

Doctor: “Is this her first son?”

Young man: “No you idiot! It’s her husband!”

Knock, Knock.

Knock, knock

Who’s there?

Rupert.

Rupert who?

Rupert your left arm in, your left arm out……

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

Dishes.

Dishes who?

Dishes a very bad joke.

At the Library

Two chickens walk into a library; find the librarian and say, “Buk, buk!” The librarian decides they want two books. She hands them over, and the chickens leave.

An hour later, the chickens return, and are looking annoyed. “Buk, buk, bukKOOK!” they call. The librarian decides that they want another three books, hands them over, and the chickens leave.

An hour later, the two birds march back in looking very angry, and shout: “Buk, buk, buk, buk, bukkooook!”

The librarian starts to get worried about where all her books are going. She decides to give the chickens more books, but follows them to find out what’s happening.

She follows them out of town and into a park. She hides behind a tree, not wanting to be seen. To her amazement, she sees the chickens showing the books to a frog that is saying: “Rrredit, rrredit rrredit.”

What’s the wife of a hippie called?

Mississippi.

A boy made a wooden car, with wooden seats, wooden tires and wooden engine. Guess what? It wooden go.

Little girl: “Grampa? Are you a frog?” Grandfather: “No, why?” Little Girl: “Daddy said we’d get all your money and your house when you croak.”

Teacher:
Jane,do you know what time we start school here in the morning?

Jane:
No, teacher, I don’t. I’ve never been here for that.

Teacher:
What do we call the outer layer of a tree, Billy?

Billy:
I don’t know, Miss.

Teacher:
Bark,silly,bark.

Billy:
Woof,woof !

The largest crocodile ever was 12m long and took 60 years to grow to its full size.

The country with the largest annual tea consumption is Ireland with 1,184 cups a year per person. That’s a lot of sugar.

The most expensive burger ever is the DB burger royal and costs $59. I’ll stick to McDonalds thanks

Did you konw taht you cluod raed tihs psagsae wehn you fsrit saw it? Wlel, tihs is bceusae yuor bairn dsoe not raed ecah ltretr iuldndlivaiy. As lnog as the frsit and lsat lterts are in the rgiht pacles, and the rset of the lterts are in the wrod you are albe to raed it. Who siad selpnilg mteatrs?

Food/Drink Amount in kg